Episode 16: No Time for Farewells

"All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."
Psalm 139:16

Episode 15: Tie a Yellow Ribbon

Every soldier should have a welcome home parade to celebrate his return. James did. Yellow ribbons were tied on all the old oak trees and children lined the street with brilliant red balloons. Even the newspaper reporter and photographer showed up to interview the brave warrior as we pulled into the driveway.

• Click to view the 2005 television news report

But the reporters missed another really big day - the day the donor mom, Donna, rang our doorbell, sat on our couch and snuggled close with James. We played games, munched cookies, exchanged gifts and swapped stories as if it was perfectly normal that the heart nestled inside of our son once pumped life inside her daughter's chest. Overhead, fireworks should have exploded, a 21-gun salute should have been fired and the blimp should have sailed by with words of celebration blinking brightly for all the world to see. But in the stillness of our kitchen, without paparazzi or fanfare, I watched this mom place her head against James' chest and listen to the beating of his heart. The miraculous framed in the ordinary.

That's a moment worth celebrating still.

Episode 14: Selfless Sacrifice

I do not remember them as difficult days. I have no vivid recollections of the struggles and the hurdles in those first post-transplant period. As traumatic as they were, it is the spectacular moments that are etched in my memory: the satisfaction of seeing him gobble down his first meal, the beauty of his face without a ventilator attached, the joy of watching them wheel away another artificial contraption, the wonder of his skin glowing with robust health as the new heart pumped successfully.
Years after the transplant, whenever I prompted James to relate to me what he remembered of his time at Shands Hospital he said, "They treated me like a king. They brought me meals on a tray to my bed and gave me a clicker to pick any TV show I wanted." It was as if God in his gracious way erased his horrific pain and left only a trace of the lovely.
From where I stand, in my present painful place, I trust that years from now I will not vividly remember these difficult days either. Perhaps, I will only recall how He was strengthening my heart and how beautiful the Lord's face was as He pressed close to me. Perhaps, I will vividly recall how sweet His Word was when nothing else could satisfy and how life-sustaining was the grace He poured out into my emptiness. Hopefully, I will forever remember the promise He gave to me in 2 Corinthians 4:16-18: "Therefore, we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary but what is unseen is eternal."

Episode 13: Waiting Room Drama

At the very moment when I was signing the paperwork to receive James' new heart, while I shuddered under the load of all the horrifying medical reports of what might go wrong during the surgery, as I held James on my lap and scratched my signature across dozens of release forms, at that moment another mother was bearing a load far heavier than mine. While I waited for James' surgery to begin, another mom at another hospital was also signing forms - but these were permission forms for her daughter's organs to be harvested for transplantation. I would later discover, she was enduring the far more difficult day. She was losing her precious child. My child was gaining life.
Perspective is everything sometimes.

Episode 12: We Have a Heart for James

"We have a heart for James. It has his name written all over it!"
The pediatric cardiologist announced the incredible, long-awaited news because some brave mother had made an incredible choice. When we were desperate, without any ability of our own to make James well, a mom who lived only 30 minutes from our doorstep, a perfect stranger to us, chose to relinquish her daughter's organs after a tragic accident. At a time in her life when she could have been consumed with her own pain and suffering, this courageous mom thought of others who might be helped by her decision, and acted accordingly. She sacrificed. She was selfless. Our whole family would be forever grateful for her choice.
I get to make choices every day that to a lesser degree impact the lives of others. I can be grumpy and discouraged because of my own difficulties and allow others to suffer along with me or I can find joy exactly where I am and gift those near me with peacefulness, gentleness, hope. I can languish in a pool of self-pity and bathe myself in tears for the trial I am enduring or I can decide to have the Lord control my emotions and radiate His presence from the very uncomfortable place I am in.
I get to choose. Every day. May God, who chose to give us everlasting life through the death of His dear Son, enable us to make the choices that bring Him pleasure. May we live distinctly different lives because Christ decided to give us His own heart.